Discovering Your Values
Let’s figure out your values!
About a month ago, I had routine “yearly” blood work that I must confess has been several years since I’ve actually done. Ooops. Everything was within normal range except my cholesterol. This was not news to me, as I’ve been told my cholesterol was high since I was in high school.
When you’re 16, they don’t really freak out about your high cholesterol because you’re young and active and it’s clearly genetic at that point. But when you’re 40 and have “exceedingly high cholesterol,” they act like you’re basically on death’s doorstep. Geez. Such judgment! ;)
The suggestion was made that I get on cholesterol lowering medication. But because I am committed to trying natural ways first, I countered that I try to lower it with my diet for 6 months, and then retest. The doctor agreed and I changed my diet.
At first I was going to be completely vegan. I had done this once before, a number of years ago, and was able to get my cholesterol down to a reasonable level. However, since I did not maintain a vegan diet, my cholesterol returned to high levels over time.
This go-around, sustainability is key. So I decided I need to limit my alterations to what I will actually maintain. If these sustainable changes don’t result in the necessary reduction of my bad cholesterol, I will get on medication.
You may be wondering, “Allison, what does your cholesterol have to do with a blog post about values?” Fair question, my friend. Let me tell you…
My experience with my dietary changes required by my cholesterol revealed to me my values.
I value self-efficacy. If I can make the required changes on my own, without medication, I want to do that.
I value honesty. I am not willing to sustain a vegan diet because I would not be able to enjoy eggs and cheese (in moderation). I have to be honest with myself about that.
I could do it for a sprint, but I would not be willing to do it for a marathon. And that’s where I’m at in terms of lifestyle changes.
I value comfort because I am not willing to make the sacrifice of cheesy goodness and will get on medication if necessary.
(And to be honest, my value of comfort is part of what has gotten me in this position to start with.)
I value hard work and self-discipline and I’m willing to make lifestyle changes to honor that value.
Some of these values may seem to be contradictory. But real life involves paradox and complexity. And I’m not willing to over-simplify to make things fit neatly in categories.
When you’re clear on your values, it makes life choices more clear.
Do you value stability? Then you’re going to want to say “no” to the job offer that would require you working out of town for months at a time.
Do you value health but the people you spend most of your time with have poor self-care habits? You’re going to need to find some influences that support your value of physical health.
Another thing that helps clarify values is to look at your calendar and your bank account.
Perhaps you have an aspirational value of generosity but all of your expendable income for the last month has gone to lip injections and LuluLemon?
I will be *the last person* to give you a hard time about those purchases, but you may need to be more honest with yourself about your actual value of wealth or appearance.
Don’t hate the player, just be honest about the game. ;)
Do you say you value your family but when you look at your calendar, it’s been a month since you drove the 10 miles to see your parents?
If you’re the kind of person who likes to see tangible lists of options, I just came across this resource that may be helpful to you: Values Card Sort.
What you’ll do is print off and cut out these value cards.
Place each card into one of the three suggested categories of “Very Important” “Important to me,” and “Not Important.”
The tendency will probably be to sort based on “should” or societal expectations, but try your hardest to be realistic.
Once you get your “Very Important” values narrowed down, try placing your top 10 in order.
Make a list of your top 10 and put it in a prominent location in your home.
Look at that list every day for a month and confirm if the way you live your life is congruent with those values.
If not, consider this: do you need to change the list to more honestly reflect your values or do you want to change something about your life to more accurately reflect your values list?
So if you see me sticking to the salad bar at Texas de Brazil, just give me a head nod, knowing that while I’m willing to forgo flame grilled meat on a skewer, but I’m not willing to give up on crab bisque with those little cheesy puff pastries. MIND YA OWN.